3 Years

It's hard to believe, but this Monday, November 8, 2010, our special little guy would have been 3 years old. I sit here and try to remember all the things that Miles was doing when he was 3, and imagine Shane doing them if he was here with us. Talking up a storm, laughing at his goofy dad, just starting to play board games with us, pretty much starting to run the house from morning til night! Not a day goes by that we don't miss him. Sure, I'll admit it, now that it's been 3 years, most days are good days. It's just seems to be when this season comes around, the time when the leaves start to change and the weather cools off, I can't help but feel a little different, a little less happy, a little less like "myself". I miss him every single day, and some days it just hurts, physically hurts, deep down in my soul. Ever since that day in 2007, I wondered if life would ever feel the same, if it would ever get easier to know that this happened to us, that it wasn't just a dream. Yes - it has gotten easier. No - it'll never be the same. I'll never live another day in my life without a piece of my heart missing. I can't dwell on that though. I have to move on. I have moved on. I'm a very lucky woman to have such an amazing family. My husband and my 2 boys Miles and Owen have been 3 people in my life that could make me smile no matter what the circumstances. I still remember when I was in labor with Shane, being induced for 28 - YES 28 - whole hours, and despite the dreary and uncertain future we were about to face, being able to smile and laugh with eachother for most of that day. That right there is the miracle that is love. I'm the luckiest woman on earth to share that with this man, my husband. As I said before, not a day will go by that I don't have a piece of my heart missing, but on the brighter side of that, I get to live the rest of my life with all this light and love surrounding me each and every day. If anything comes close to filling in that hole, that's it.
I still have all the emails and cards and letters that everyone sent to us when we were going through this in 2007. Every year, I do my best to read through some of them, not so I can relive the pain, but so I can remember the support and love I got from so many of the people we know and love. I just want to say thank you for everyone's continued support through the good times and bad. And thank you for anyone who just listens when I talk about him. Keep me up to date on anything that you do to remember our little man - just drop me an email or a comment on my blog post. Whether it be simply lighting a candle for him, thinking of him, or saying a little prayer for him. You can also feel totally safe in sending me a message for Shane to my email (dadoo12704@gmail.com) and I can post it on his blog, with or without your name attached. Thank you for visiting Shane's site.
Peace!