Yesterday, October 26th, was the 2 year mark of the day we had our confirming ultrasound of Shane diagnosing him with his syndrome. Most of you don't know, that was just the icing on the cake when it came to the neverending tragedies that just seemed to be happening one after another in our lives at that time. First, it was driving to dinner one night, and just happening to drive over a manhole cover that was too high in the road (in the middle of a busy residential street might I add), and then trying to fight the city to pay for our repairs, which never happened. Somehow that manhole cover did get fixed pretty quick though... Then mysteriously, our 4 year old heating system just wasn't coming on when the cold weather set in, so we were left trying to find a way to pay someone to come look at that and fix it. When it seemed like things couldn't possibly get any worse, we were told that the baby that was growing inside me, every single dream of happiness and hope that we had left at this point, wasn't going to survive. Even if Shane had been healthy, I was worried about how much time I'd be able to take off work and still have our bills get paid. Now I had to wonder when I'd
ever be able to go back to work considering what I was about to go through... I had no idea how we were going to make it. I not only had the weight of the world on my shoulders when it came to dealing with our family's loss, I also had the burden of financial stress. Throughout the past 2 years, I have been strong. I've stayed positive, and somehow I still see the light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak. I wouldn't be able to see things in such a positive light if it weren't for meeting the most wonderful man on the face of the planet 13 years ago. But this time of year, when the leaves start to change and fall comes around, I can't help but fall back into those feelings I had when all of these things were hitting us, all at the same time. I can't help but remember how I felt the day I found out, how I couldn't say anything but "okay" when they told me my son's syndrome was fatal. The true definition of "speechless". Financial stress is hard for anyone, I understand, but when you have to relive something like this year after year, and know that all of your financial problems NOW are linked to what happened THEN, it makes it 100 times more difficult to bear and that much harder to see the end. That light at the end of the tunnel gets pretty dim. I'm not asking for sympathy, or help, or
anything. I'm simply just "getting it out", getting it off my chest. Okay, so maybe just some prayers that our jobs stay around and get us through the winter, that everyone stays healthy, and that no more of these bad things make their way into our lives. On a scale of "excellent-very good-good-poor-very poor-the dumps": things overall are good right now; I'm here, I'm alive, I'm healthy, I have 2 healthy beautiful baby boys with me every single day and an amazing husband on top of it to keep me smiling. Together, we can do anything. We will make it!
